PRESS RELEASE: December 12, 2007 For Immediate Release

MEDIA CONTACT:
Beverly Crowl, Public Relations Specialist
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Delaware Hospice representatives presented a session on “Grief through the Holidays” at the New Castle Senior Center last week. Barbara Bernhardt, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Bereavement with 19 years experience at Delaware Hospice, and Alex Tyree, Pastoral Counselor in Bereavement with 15 years at Delaware Hospice, spoke to participants about the need for survivors to “treat yourself especially well” during the Christmas season.

During the holidays, an absence is felt much more intensely than at other times. It helps to accept the fact that you’re more vulnerable during this time and take steps to help yourself through it.

Claim your own feelings and feel as you do feel, not as others expect you to feel. Then, follow your instincts, doing what is right for you—whether it’s yard work, talking to others, writing, talking to one special person—find what makes sense for you. Different personalities cope in different ways.

There are also practical things that can be done, as you begin to understand the triggers that touch off grief and what you want and need.

Talk with friends and family about what is important for you.

Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself. Loss is exhausting and overworking is a danger. Modify your expectations to fit your situation.

Get support and accept offers of help. People want to be helpful, and although it’s hard to be a receiver, this might be the appropriate time to accept graciously.

Plan ahead for the holidays. Families do better when they know what’s ahead of them. Make a checklist of Christmas considerations, such as the decorations. Will you set up a smaller tree than normal? Transfer and share the traditional responsibilities and involve your family. Find a way to make gift shopping easier, whether through enlisting help or giving money this year.

Find a way to honor your loved one. People have the urge to speak about the person and it falls on the bereaved to let them know it’s okay to talk about them.

Take it day-by-day and stop to notice the little things. Find a sanctuary—a place for quiet time.

Sometimes it’s helpful to put yourself aside for awhile and do something for someone else.

Find a distraction; go to a movie; spend time with the children in your family.

Try to laugh; you need this respite for your heart.

Give your soul a voice; go to Church, ask questions about spirituality if you’re struggling with your feelings; prayer or meditation may help.

Follow your “grief compass.” In the beginning, the needle is all over the place; eventually you begin to follow your own hunches.

Recovering from loss can be a long process. Be gentle and forgiving of yourself, and hold on to the hope that people do grow into purposeful, joyful lives again.