From Shore Living Magazine, Reach the Beach Publications, November 2009, page 8-10.

 

DELAWARE HOSPICE’S “NEW BEGINNINGS”:  Cathey Betts and Bereavement Volunteers reach out in Sussex County 
by Bev Crowl

 

Ray from Lewes said, “On Thursdays, I wake up with a happy feeling.  I come to the New Beginnings lunch, and I feel good.  By the time I leave, I feel even better.”  Ray lost his wife six months ago.   So did Bob, also from Lewes, who agreed, “You’re right, I feel real good on Thursdays, when I remember I’ll be having lunch at New Beginnings.  Here, I can talk about changes in my life since I lost my wife.  When you go out with old friends, they don’t want to hear about it so much.  They think, ‘It’s been a couple of months—time to move on.’”

New Beginnings is a most-appropriately named lunch group which helps folks recover from loss with the caring efforts of Delaware Hospice volunteers and the guidance of its bereavement professionals.

Don Hearn, Delaware Hospice Bereavement Counselor, saw the benefits of getting survivors together to share their feelings.  He said, “At first, there were 4 or 5 of us, meeting once a month.  Then Cathey Betts and some others began to organize.  Now, 30, 40 and even 50 people meet weekly at restaurants north, south, east and west in Sussex County as “New Beginnings Luncheons.”  Their mission is to persuade people who have suffered loss and are hurting to come to lunch with others just like them.”

Anyone entering the lunch room is warmly greeted and introduced to others.  Lunch is ordered and lively conversation helps keep everyone laughing or at least smiling.

Many who need New Beginnings never want to come the first time.  Most require numerous invitations or persuasive techniques such as the offer of a ride.  Joe McQuade’s daughter told a white lie to get him there.  He said, “After my wife passed away I wanted to sit in a corner and be left alone.  My daughter told me she wanted to come to this group, but she wasn’t allowed to unless I came with her.  She convinced me; and when I got here, I saw people in the same situation as me, but handling it better than I was.  Four years later, I’m still coming.  It’s become a habit—a good habit.” 

Most agree that founding member, Cathey Betts, is the “Queen Mother” of the group.  Cathey knows all 125 members and tries to stay current with their situations.  At each lunch, Cathey will initiate the discussion of who’s where, who’s sick, who needs a helping hand; and just like a family at the dinner table, everyone will speak up to offer whatever they know about the person missing that week.

Delaware Hospice’s bereavement volunteers are each assigned names of survivors and make phone calls regularly to say hello, chat with them, or invite them to New Beginnings.  Open to the community, several participants learned about the group from friends and have become regulars as well.  About 20 out of 125 people did not have family members in a Delaware Hospice program.

Carol Dobson, Bereavement Counselor, presently has responsibility for this dynamic group.  She said, “New Beginnings is a unique way to experience yourself.  It’s an opportunity to socialize in a safe place-a place where everyone you meet knows the heartache and pain of losing a loved one.  There is an acceptance of each other that is felt right from the start.   Bereavement volunteers also help people join the support groups that are now held in four locations in Sussex County.”

Andy Parezo was an early member of New Beginnings.  He said, “My wife passed away in March 2000, and I went to their lunch in June of that year.  There were only 5 or 6 of us, but I enjoyed myself and was invited to a picnic at Don Hearn’s house in July.  Don and I got to chatting and I ended up signing up to volunteer with Delaware Hospice.  For New Beginnings, I make phone calls to a list of people.  In fact, some of them are sitting here today.  It’s a nice group, and I have a whole lot of friends now that I didn’t have before.”

A few couples have been blessed with more than friendship—they’ve found a new partner in life.  Peggy Garrett Davis and Jim Davis were married this past December.  Peggy said, “I lost my husband seven years ago and have been a volunteer for Delaware Hospice for about five years for the bereavement program.  I take care of the roster of people coming into our group, make up mailing lists, phone lists for birthdays, and record volunteer assignments.  Of course, I attend our lunches every Thursday and get updates on what’s happening.

Jim Davis lost his wife 3 ½ years ago.  He said, “Don called me regularly and Cathey called as a volunteer.  Then Andy took over, calling a few times a week and inviting me to the weekly lunch.  Finally I went to one in Seaford, and I’ve been a regular ever since.

Peggy and I met and for a long while we just talked.  Then last Spring we started to sit at the same table.  I wanted to ask her out, but with being married 52 years and 3 years since my wife passed, it wasn’t easy to ask her for a date!   Finally, I did.   Peggy didn’t see it coming.  “I was really surprised, but happy.  We had a great time, enjoyed each other’s company and shared a lot in common.  After six months, we decided to marry.”  Jim said, “We’ve been so very fortunate to have found each other here.”

Cathey Betts said, “New Beginnings works because it’s personal.  We talk about everyone’s situation:   health, grandchildren, marriages, and deaths.  We’ve been to funerals of our members, wearing our name tags.  You’d be surprised how many family members will approach to thank us for taking care of their loved ones!  I think there’s such a need for us in the community and it is something we all look forward to:  reaching out and lending a helping hand.”

Carol Dobson concludes each lunch by expressing her appreciation to the volunteers, “We thank each of you for the time you put into Delaware Hospice to help with phone calls, sympathy, and affirmation of others.  You’ve been there and you know what it’s like.”

Bob summarized what the group has meant to him, “When you help someone climb a mountain, you go up that mountain as well.”